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welcome to the official website of Pauline McLynn

MY V V BAD 14 March 2012

we’ll have to leave it at that title, cos i am MORTO i haven’t been in touch for so long. I am aware of what a wretched critter I am, fear not.
potted history of what’s been occurin’ –

I wrote my first stage play, and it had it’s casting process, read through, rehearsals, opening night and entire run all in 24 hours. It was part of an event to raise funds for Dublin Youth Theatre which has shepherded many into the Arts in Ireland and also just helped MANY teens get through teenagerdom. Mine was a complicated little number where 4 actors/actresses played a man called Brian, his Mammy and his dog Trixie in turn throughout. I must say I don’t have that bug of ‘i’d love to write a stage play (thank goodness, as I am put to the pin of my collar keeping up with all the rest) but I really enjoyed the experience.
It took some days to recover from the event and excitement, etc!

Since we last spoke there’s been International Polar Bear Day and International Women’s Day (no direct link between those 2, far as I know) and it got me to wondering what’s the difference between and International day and a World day?

I treated myself to a v expensive eye and lip cream (you all know I have the driest lips in the universe, probably, and am always on the hunt for THE lip balm) and though it has made little enough difference to me gob it did manage to sort of ‘burn’ the skin around my eyes! EEK. And this from a botanically excellent unction, if all blurb and awards are to be believed. v v disappointing, as i LOVES me a product. AND I don’t want to waste it by not using it, not at the price I paid (hid it on my credit card, that’s how guilty I felt)

My regular laptop is threatening to divide itself in 2 as the hinge is banjaxed, so I now have a new smaller, more gorgeous one while the oldie is still not fixed…there’ll be tears about that soon as not everything is backed up from the (previously) Old Reliable…again proof that i am a FULE

Miss Alice had to go back with her fangs and is feeling better and more attitude since a lot of money was spent (yet again) on the vet and meds…and, no, she ain’t insured…

The proofs of the teen novel are so totally beautiful that I find it hard to breather thinking about them. I’ll post up the cover and blurb here as soon as I figure out how (well, let’s be honest, I’ll get someone else to do it). I’m wading into number 2 bike right now and need to get a number of skates beneath me to speed the process along.

The knitting continues apace and i’ll show you all the fruits of same in a few months time, at which time i’ll be revamping this website too and forging on (bravely!) into The Future (plucky little P…ooh, pride/a fall anyone?)

In the meantime there’s the not inconsiderable issue of rehearsing and performing Miss Fiona Looney’s latest play GREENER at the Gaiety Theatre, Dublin, from 26 April. I think this one will be splendidly controversial – so much so that she and me are meeting today to figure out how to avoid being lynched for doing a measure socially taboo stuff within said play – watch this space and then come see the play and decide for yourself! I’ll pop up a poster with details here also v sune.

More anon, and not so long anon as last time…my v v v bad…

foiled 10 February 2012

I have had cats for a number of decades now – each is different (and anyone who tells you they only love you for food and warmth is a fool). However, it’s only recently that I have started buying toys for them – this latest duo, Brenda and Alice, are benefiting from a great spoiling altogether. For instance, I was in New York before Christmas and the gifts that were brought home were all for those hairy monsters. But as is always the way with big life lessons or proof of any cliche I am learning what everyone else probably know anyhow – they have decided (in their magnificent and flawless feline wisdom) that the rolled up balls of foil from chocolate wrappers are MUCH better fun than anything with cat nip in or feathers on or lots of money spent on it. Le Sigh. I am a silly old lady.

flesh 8 February 2012

I’m seeing a lot of boob-flashing going on in the papers/online right now. Can i just confess (as all of my devon pals will probably back up) i have had my moments doing such stuff. JAM AND JERUSALEM was a brilliant BBC show (that they so should re-commisssion) and the ladies of the same show loved to goad me into flinging out a flash whenever a few glasses of wine were involved (and also sometimes when we should all have had better sense) – v good fun and, as i was a tad younger, i hope not too traumatic for anyone involved. NOW where is she going with this we ask? – well, i have seen a few flashes recently in the press/online and it seems to involve a lot of flesh coloured bras = WRONG – most flesh coloured underwear is AWFUL!
so, if you’re gonna flash ANYTHING at all, man or woman, don’t even think about it if it involves those sheer(hell) flesh-coloured items. WRONG WRONG WRONG – and it ain;t just the ordinary sized people who have done this – rachel mcadams was picced doing it recently…still wrong…

cluck 2 February 2012

Chicken is a big favourite in the McLynn household, amongst both humans and hairies. I even tried a great chicken soup midday on a play reading recently that was v good indeed (it just might have been from a place with Pret in the title). And, reading a Janet Evanovich novel just now, I was reminded that the kookier inhabitants of Trenton New Jersey love Cluck in a Bucket. So, chooks have been featuring heavily. So much so that when I opened the ‘big’ oven in McLynn Mansion some days ago and found a long forgotten chicken I was overcome with several conflicting emotions – the greatest of which was how to blame Richard for abandoning the carcass there, whether he had or not.
It was quite a sight. The whole thing was like a mohair rendition of a cooked chicken – same shape but incredibly hirsute, in subtle shades of bluey greeny greys. It was, in its awful way, very lovely. And almost alive with penicillin, I thought – don’t know if I remember my science properly but wasn’t that discovered in mould? Struck me too that I was probably looking at my Turner Prize entry, or part thereof. It would comprise a kitchen and in every cupboard, pot and covered cooking spot there would be a living thing created by man’s neglect (superbusy modern lifestyle denying time for cleanliness etc) like my hairy chicken – mirroring life but with a twist. And an adventure for all attending the exhibit as the guest would have to open all pots etc to find the artistic statement. Now! I’m already at work on my acceptance speech.
I was also reminded of my pal’s Jonathan and Anne when they moved into their house many years ago and began to renovate it. One of the elderly sellers had thoughtfully left a partially eaten dinner in a cupboard (lamb chops and veg, if I am not mistaken) perhaps as sustenance for the young family about to move in. Mm hmm HMM!

thumbs 29 January 2012

alright, alright – time was when i would attack you every day with vacuous tales of canned goods, opposable thumbs and mohair!
now, it’s just getting by-ish – BUT i feel a SURGE coming on, including a quite interesting incident with chicken – so, see you tomorrow!
AND i went through a phase of flashing me boobs* like Denise Welsh, winner of the UK Celeb Big Brother, so i’ll not be pointing the finger there but to say that her breasticles looked v good to me… *Devon, Jam and Jerusalem, a fair few peeps will be able to back me up on that – had to start wearing clothage that wouldn’t allow said flashing in the end – le sigh…

waving... 23 January 2012

One of the things I DON’T like about getting older (and there are quite a few) is that mortality loves to wave at you and attract attention more often than you might like. This is usually in the form of removing someone lovely from the world – used to be parents, now, as the years move on, it’s more and more likely to be an even closer generation age-wise. But when you’re up close to such a wave, in person as it were, it can get annoying. Take last night, when the plane I was travelling in aborted its landing quite close to the ground, revved up noisily and headed back high into the sky for another go-around. Reason? A rather calm pilot eventually told us there was still another plane on the runway on our first approach…that’ll do for the year now, thanks very much.

goanches 16 January 2012

Right, as of today I have decided to acknowledge 2012 as The New Year. Until now denial has suited me better and I rolled with it. In fact I extended Christmas by going to Tenerife where I hooked up with my Mum, brother (Ian) and sis in law (Curly). We ate far too many Canarian potatoes (oh so delicious – little balls of floury starch with v salty skins – v moreish…and then some more too) and made a custom of drinking at least one bottle of Cava a night. Curly emerged as a dab hand at popping the cork into the tree over the fence from the apartment (now full of corks and surely officially a cork tree?) without spilling a drop from within – top skill and should be recognised as such. We went on some adventures throughout the island and had great family rows in the car – Curly took her Guide’s Certificate while on our last journey to the volcano and when she reined in her ‘attitude’ she was most helpful, pointing out the ‘interesting rock formations’ right and left and the ‘pointy trees’ in the area. Very informative, I felt. We came across lots of sculptures of the GUanches who were the first warrior types to inhabit the island and a fine bunch of giants they looked too – we called them the GoWan-ches in honour of Mrs Doyle.
Plans are afoot here at McLynn Mansions to make plans and have them further afoot for 2012. For the moment I can report that the teen novel is in the copy-edit and will appear early June in book stores etc – it’s called ‘Jenny Q – Stitched Up!’ Before that I’ll tread the boards in Dublin at the Gaiety Theatre in Fiona Looney’s new play GREENER and then it’s back to London to film the second series of THREESOME for Comedy Central. Oh and I’m to be heard as Jason Byrne’s Mammy in his radio sitcom FATHER FIGURE on BBC Radio 2 from Feb 4…ENJOY!
Miss Alice got her teeth cleaned today – cost a fortune. I need the dentist BADLY but wouldn’t dream of spending such lavish sums on myself…le sigh! I am a fool for those cats.

seaonal carryon 27 December 2011

Now then, the feeding of the hordes went well, perhaps even very well…
the handmade gifts seemed appreciated too, though i do think that if people haven;t seen you toil over them they sometimes don’t realise just how many hours go into the whole effort and think ‘ah yeah, sure he/she’s good at that’. still, lovely smiles all round.
i had the great pleasure of dinner with actress and goddess Fionnuala Flanagan last night, along with her adorable husband Garrett.
And today, as if my gifts could be extended..erm…daniel o’donnell looked at me in the airport (and quickly looked away again, it must be said)
with all that in mind I am debunking to Tenerife for a week, leaving Himself in charge of the livestock and empire…
tis till the season to be jolly!
more anon x

jingles 23 December 2011

I am just about done upholsterying Christmas, so cushion covers and slippers are at the ready to go and sundry other gifts are also wrapped. Next up is cooking and I have all of the ingredients I need to make a fine lunch on the 25th (for 12, I thank you for enquiring). Any mishaps will be mine and then, probably, because I’ll have taken on way too much to actually cook. Last time I ‘did the dinner’ was 3 (4?) years ago and the kitchen was an unfinished nightmare, complete with new oven that I wasn’t used to, though lucky to have connected to the power the way things were going at the time. This year, I know that wretch and although we’re still not truly decanted back into the house it’s less of a builders’ bombsite.
So, all would be fine but for the jingles going on in my poor noggin. It’s like every bad seasonal song ever written has joined a loop in my head to provide my very own, private, festive musak…especially when I am trying to go to sleep…I am now officially fed up of such joy and good tidings to my brain, thanks all the same. However, there was warning on the radio today that 2 LITTLE BOYS was about to be played so I spared myself listening to that. Mind you, it is still lurking as an idea simply because it was invoked…and now I hope I have shared it with you all too – call it sharing, yes, but I think we all know I mean you all to suffer if I have to…(snigger)
Have a happy and safe holiday, y’all

DICKENS 18 December 2011

The knitting of Christmas by P McLynn (of the parishes of Soho and Phibsboro) continues apace with 3 cushions and a pair of slippers ‘in the bag’. Moving on to lavender bags and suchlike and so on now…The turkey and trimmings will be my greatest test but I AM READY!
I cannot recommend highly enough the show upon BBC2 tomorrow night at 8.30, called The Bleak Old Shop of Stuff. I saw a screening of it during the week and I am still laughing my socks off. It is brilliantly written, designed, made, acted and EVERYTHING and I am thrilled to be a part of it. You will truly hate yourself if you don’t catch this one – tuck yourself into the sofa with some hot n spicy dodo wings and some chicken brandy and ENJOY!

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